Sheba

1991
Dogs are my favourite animals, despite the fact that I was nearly killed by a dog when I was five.
Sheba was an Old English Sheepdog. She herself never actually saw herself as a dog; she refused to eat dog food and could open doors with her paws. She was devoted to my mother and followed her everywhere Unfortunately, on that day my mother had gone to see her parents, leaving Sheba behind. I had been feeling sick so I was on the settee watching television with a pillow and blanket. Sheba had a habit of chewing on a pillow when she was depressed and once she figured out that my mother would not be back for a day or two that’s just what she did. I objected to this and was rewarded by her biting me in the neck, needing stitches. According to the doctor she had missed my jugular vein by about 1cm. The vet came to put her down the next day. When I realised what was happening I protested, but to no avail.
In later years a friend commented that the experience should have made me fearful of dogs. My response was ‘ You know, it never actually occurred to me to be scared of dogs’. I must have been a stupid kid…

Sammy

We once had a dog who could only be described as a ‘dumb blond’. Sammy was ¾ Golden Retriever and ¼ Red Setter (a breed not exactly known for it’s intelligence). No matter how much we tried, Sammy could not (or would not) learn even the most basic commands. It was impossible to get him to walk quietly on the lead; he insisted on nearly choking himself every time. He had a great liking for squeaky dog toys, to the extent that, rather than barking, he would bite down on the toy, causing it to emit it's high-pitched squeak. This unfortunately (and unsurprisingly) did not have the desired effect of scaring anyone away. In fact, he even had trouble chasing cats away. Most of the time they would not run from him unless he had another dog with him to help him. This did not discourage him, and he continued to try and chase cats, often skidding to a stop in front of the immovable felines.
Well, who ever said intelligence was a requirement for being man’s best friend?